Thursday, January 31, 2013

My Struggle with Anxiety

While meeting with my weekly support group for chronic illnesses, I have realized that all group members struggle with anxiety and stress to some degree. We all have a disease that is ultimately uncontrollable. We can manage our illnesses with medications, diet and surgeries, however they have no cure. My theory is that when people cannot control a major part of their lives, they resort to the control of everything else in their lives resulting in stress and anxiety when life cannot be controlled how they wish.

When I write this it seems a bit extreme. But I think it is completely true for many, many people - some more severe than others.

I believe that anxiety is stemmed from many other issues as well. But since I have an autoimmune disease, this is the type of anxiety I can relate to.

I have always been an organized and clean person. But the emotional stress I feel when things in my life are not organized or clean has increased as I have grown into my 20's and was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. I can see stress in all parts of my life, and it is an issue I am well aware of and working on.

My husband does not let my anxiety of certain life issues slide. These issues are addressed and talked about. I am so thankful that he is not fearful to confront me when I am "stressing" too much. Because of him, I have become more aware of an issue in my life that I desperately do not want to control but let go of and give to God.

I want to be a woman who is willing to try new things with no fear. I want to have a spirit that embraces failure as "okay" at times. I want to capture those stressful thoughts and and let the God of the Universe hold them for me. I want to be a mother who lets her children fail and most of all teach them to get back up. I hope to be the kind of mother who gives the safety and health of her husband and children over to Jesus each night.

I worry about money, when we are so blessed. I worry about losing my husband and dog, when I should spend my time being thankful for having them in my life. I worry about my health, when I know it could be so much worse. I stress about doing things the right way, when sometimes there is no "right way." There is only God's way.

Anxiety in nature in selfish, because all you are focused on is your needs, your plans, YOU. I do not want to be this type of person. I want to focus on the needs of others and be open to new and different plans.

Although some medications do help at times, I also believe there are natural ways to help deal with stress.

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, these coping strategies listed below should help:

Daily exercise
Eating a well-balanced meal with energy boosting snacks
Learning when to take a time out by having a massage, listening to music, doing yoga etc
Getting enough sleep
Limiting alcohol and caffeine - these can aggravate anxiety and trigger panic attacks. eek, didn't know that!
Accept that you cannot control everything - the hardest one!
Maintain a positive attitude and welcome humor
Getting involved in the community
Talk to someone, a friend, family member, support group or counselor

I certainly plan to slowly incorporate these into my life. But I must remember that if I fail, it is OKAY! No reason to stress when things do not go as planned! :) (easier said than done)





Thursday, January 24, 2013

My Bathroom Pass


In my wallet, I carry around a "Bathroom Pass"- or at least that is what I call it. It is a laminated official card made by the Foundation of Clinical Research for Inflammatory Bowel Disease that helps patients to be able to use a restroom anywhere, at any time and fast, whether it is a public restroom or not. I have read some articles and heard some opinions that this is not needed. Some may think this is over the top or silly. It certainly is not.

People with inflammatory bowel disease really cannot hold it long or not at all. If I do not get to restroom fast when I need one I feel as if i'm very close to having an accident and it makes me dizzy and nauseous. Thankfully, I have not had an accident since my diagnoses, but I always make sure I am close to a bathroom, especially when I am flaring.

Last weekend, I almost had to pull out this bad boy. I kind of wanted to, it makes me feel more in control of my disease. I was shopping around in Anthropology (love that store!) in Tulsa, and all of a sudden I did not feel good. I had to go-now. I urgently searched a worker and asked where the bathroom was. She said it was only for employees. I asked her where the closest restroom was, and she she that it was way across the parking lot at a Starbucks on the other side of the shopping center. I told her I have Crohn's disease, and need to use their restroom immediately. Thankfully, the worker quickly grabbed her manager and they escorted me to the toilet. I know it is not always this easy in retail stores though.

I am thankful for sympathetic retail workers and my card to back me up to prove my condition. Sadly, Oklahoma is not a state that has passed the Restroom Access Act, also known as "Ally's Law."

"This advocacy movement is named for Ally Bain, who has Crohn’s disease, a type of inflammatory bowel disease (IBD). Several years ago, as a young teenager, Ally had an accident in a store after her request to use the employee restroom was refused, despite her explaining repeatedly that she had an urgent medical need. After that humiliating experience, Ally successfully worked with legislators in her then-home state of Illinois to enact a law to address similar situations in 2005. Since then, with continued public advocacy by Ally and others, similar laws have been enacted in twelve other states: Colorado, Connecticut, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Ohio, Oregon, Tennessee, Texas, Washington State and Wisconsin. As these are individual state laws, they each vary in certain details, but most say that a “retail establishment” must give a person with an “eligible medical condition” access to an employee restroom if there is no public restroom immediately available, there are at least three employees (in one case, two) working at the time, and the facility itself or its location will not pose a safety hazard to the person or security risk to the business (www.ibsimpact.wordpress.com)."


Below is a photo of my pass:




So, I sure hope any of you who work retail out there or own a business will always let someone with a medical condition use your restroom. Even if you feel more comfortable escorting them and waiting outside the door, we don't care! We just need a toilet. :)

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Let's Talk Money


Since it is the beginning of a new year, health insurance went up, more money is being taken out of everyone’s paychecks due to taxes, and prescriptions had to be re-ordered for me-of course those prices went up as well.

Money. Living costs money. Money can be a blessing and stressful all at the same time.

It is said that money is one of the main causes of conflict in marriage and reason for divorce. Divorce is not an option for us, but it definitely can and has been a source of tension at times.

It takes a while to figure out how we both want to spend out money, budget and how we handle the unexpected financial issues. We may disagree sometimes. We work it out. It’s definitely been hard for me, because I like to control where my money goes. But my money is not just mine now, it is ours and God’s.

I am a lover of budgeting. I love to keep a budget spreadsheet, and I LOVE to stick to it. But we all know that rarely happens that you stick to it to precisely, because life happens and things come up. I try to plan for the unexpected, but I just can’t.

I had no idea 2 of my main prescriptions I take for my Crohn’s disease would go up from 40 dollars a month to 70 dollars a month.  You wouldn’t think 60 dollars a month extra would make a difference, but with all other prescriptions I pay for a month plus doctor’s appointments, it just adds up. And I don’t like it.

Thankfully, I spoke with my doctor’s office about the increase, and they are going to give me samples each month for one drug as long as they can. They agreed to do this, because the plan is that sometime this year I will try to get off this drug since I have been on Cimzia (the shot) for a while now. I shouldn’t need to be on both, but it can take a while to wean my system off drugs it has been on for a long time. 

I love to save money-especially with medical expenses. Although my health is important, we are young, and I want to spend our money on other things.

Sometimes I feel guilty for spending money on my medical expenses-because I have more medical expenses than most my age and more than Isaac. So, I feel bad for a certain amount of our budget going towards my medical expenses. I know I shouldn’t, because we do not want me to be sick. It is just something I am working on. I have to remind myself that my health is worth it.

Speaking of expenses, our sweet little morkie Izzy is having a stubborn baby tooth pulled next week. She is nearly 2 years old, and her last little baby tooth is jammed in there with her adult tooth and it will not fall out on its own. This can create tooth decay and health problems for our babydoll. So, it must be pulled. Of course, this will cost us 250 dollars. So, high maintenance she is. J