My New Year's Hope

While everyone has been making their New Years resolutions, I have been putting off writing about what I truly hope for for 2014. Mostly out of fear. Fear that if I write down my hope, that I might jinks it and ruin it. 

This year, I have hope for a change. A change that I have been working and praying towards for two and a half years now. 

Remission from my Crohn's disease.  

A break, a pause, a rest from an illness that I know will follow me till a cure is found. 

That is only what remission is. Just a break. It could be a year, three years or 10 years. I don't know. But a break sounds nice. And a break will do just fine. 

I truly believe I am unofficially in remission from my stomach/intestinal symptoms. I have had only one to two bathroom visits per day for approximately six months now. That is something to be proud of. :) Here and there I have stomach upsets, but nothing that last longer than a day or two. 

On Monday January 13, 2014, a colonoscopy should tell me where my inflammation levels are at currently. And then I will know if I have reached my goal. Although, my prayers have already been answered. 

God just give me a break. I'm tired. I need your strength. 

And he did just that. Right after my tough bout of Steven Johnson Syndrome in August 2013 with a fever for three weeks straight, God gave me a break. Thank you Jesus. 

Ever since I was told I had Crohn's disease in September 2011, I have thought will I ever feel normal again? Will I feel sick, tired, in pain, unable to eat yummy food, and running to the bathroom 20 times a day forever?

There have been moments I never thought I'd catch a break. But thankfully, I have. 

Yes, the illness remains in my body, maybe forever, managed by a bi-monthly immunosuppressant injection for now. However, the symptoms, the pain, the tears, the fear, the shame, the physical and emotional fatigue is not forever. 

I really believe when I call upon the strongest healer, my God, that He helps me. He will sustain me and carry me through my trials of life. He may not heal my physical ailment, but he can heal my heart. He heals my fear. He heals my sadness and replaces it with joy. He heals my shame, and gives me strength to share my troubles. He replaces pain with joy. 

This is ultimate healing.